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exsrl920
03 December 2014 @ 03:14 pm
in love again
against again
again
again and i pine and rite and i draw and i fight
i'll get through...
i'll get through...
i'll live thru this...
echoes of the past lying barely breathing on the floor that is grass.
i walked days
i don't remember
i can't remember
i won't remember
i'm so fucking angry.
i'm so fucking horny
i'm so fucking done with
looking through double pained glass.
i won't believe in... i won't and i will only be honest with.
i give honestly,
honesty,
only to myself.
and...
 
 
 
exsrl920
03 December 2014 @ 03:10 pm
i couldn't beleive it. my whole entire life has been about chasing freedom. i've chased and chased, i've run as fast as i could to the very things that have only
nearly killed me??
they tell me i can't manage my own life...yet at the same time, they can't manage it either. i've not been able to escape myself.
i've not been able to escape "them"
i try to get away
i used to believe that freedom was something that i could simply access with the right amount of
dissociation
or living as fully in the present
or for that matter, getting as high as i possibly could...
i'm 29 and i'm still waiting for them to tell me what i can
order on a menu for breakfast and dinner.
and that is the reality. and facing that has been worse...than many things i can't think straight.
green
C 14s
i dream
of
 
 
 
exsrl920
out one week
in another week (out of my mind)
waiting as time speeds up and i slow down or i speed up and time slows down.
wish i want wish it
believe it
achieve it
(bullshit?)
definitely trying to find a way, a way to get to freedom.
or its' lie
i don't care if it's the real thing, baby so long as i can call it mine.
i donno how many more times i can take
a compliment to the head.
a maniacal ego inflated head
and...
i can't concentrate there are voices around me coming from people not from inside my head.
(will this person just shut the fuck up for o n e second?)
so yeah again homeless
i mark another overdose on my person transcript in the school of Success!: Fail.
i swear there is a tumor
somewhere in here, i keep rummaging through my minds garbage e-mail spam mail box.
get out what you put in
(can't you smell that sweat in the air...that medicinal hallucinogenic taste of 'freeze, danger,
red hornets, spiders, walking trees)

i can't go on like this, i can't block this person across from me in this classroom taskroom whatever room

(c)2k14 S.Williamson(sonofnoone)/Bl2dIInkpOetry/aspiring minds inquire (tm) all rights reserved.
 
 
 
exsrl920
17 October 2014 @ 01:39 pm
gone away streetwise ony made me weaker but gave my soul a rock that became a pearl of the unbreakable i cast no shadow i dance in full moolit dream your mirage a candid whisper becoming mantra aligned with heartmeets count breaths and beats like clouds within the confines of the endless. i pass through the heavy doors of the church when no ones looking before the keys of the organs' strike
holy water swiped crost my scars of an x when i lost my last life and gained another
i think of nothing it's still a sworn prayer. passing by the statue of the mother mary back to the rhythm of slate sidewalks unclean in their own cleanliness still beautified by the rhythm of energies passing thru the air. ashes only come after the carbon is gone.
purified
 
 
 
exsrl920
26 September 2014 @ 05:00 pm
bloodinkpoetryami
 
 
 
exsrl920
15 September 2014 @ 03:52 pm
it never used to happen that way, I never used to feel. I stare at the sun. I stare at the trees. I stare at the people. I don't feel. I don't feel. but I feel too much.
all I want
I can't separate you from the drank in my NOS
I can't separate you from the med in my bowl.
I can't separate you from the powder on the glass
the displacement of air the hypoxia
the feel of
up
for
days tripping
balls on balls on tripping balls
and f
ucking you the bed the drug the hand the memories
 
 
 
exsrl920
15 September 2014 @ 11:27 am
The winter began, the way it usually does, with the rain and the cold. the days that rapidly changed to humid and 70's. It has been so long since we've shared a word.
since we've shared a sentence

I really want to stop missing you so I can start missing something else.
so I can focus.

this is boring.

I need.


I fucking need you
 
 
 
 
 
exsrl920
09 August 2014 @ 08:25 pm
I  
name
face
virtue
fact
amorality
a drop of blood
smears of sweat
my own scent or essence
strength
weakness
empathy
happiness
momentary
elusive
aloof
inquisitive
forgetful
dreaming of a daydream in another year in time.
i am e.
i am go(ing)
when stripped of all, you realize what clothes you are actually wearing.
equal.
becoming.
(im)perfectly human.
 
 
 
exsrl920
05 August 2014 @ 08:28 pm
pdl  
this is not a preferred drug list.
this listlessness aroused from past to present passing momentary bliss.
i want
to touch forever.
the way we could when we were burned by the stars.
we closed our eyes and felt the heat.
healed and blanketed while the other side nearly caught frost bite.
i don't want to leave.
so i would never stay.
i would always keep on moving.
but this is no game
this is no play
with no curtains
and the script that has been written is all coming out improvised.
i promised.
i broke.
i promised again.
yet broke.
i only have a moment, darling.
so hug me like you may never see me again.
talk to me as if for thousands of years we have been friends.
kiss me till we gasp again
and once again feel the starshine begin
i say to self and to self only, to God and all that's left and holy
please don't (let) me leave (again)

(c)2k14S.WilliamsonAllRightsReservedbl00dIInkPoetry/A.M.I.(tm)